Old Girlfriends 2: Tegan
by MizJoely
Summary: 2nd in a series examining the Doctor's relationships with certain past Companions as teased out of him by Ace.
1. Tell Me A Story

"So what about Tegan, then?"

"What? Who?" The Doctor was crouched underneath the TARDIS console, tinkering, and Ace's voice was an unexpected--and, due to the nature of her question, unwelcome--interruption. He craned his neck to glare at her, at the smug grin on her face and the combative stance of her body. "Is it really necessary for you to ambush me?" The best defense was a good offense, so the saying went. Maybe it would work.

Maybe not. "I didn't much like the way she left," was all the elaboration Ace was willing to offer.

"I didn't much like the way she left, either," the Doctor muttered as he resignedly pulled himself to his feet, leaving the tools scattered beneath the console, wires dangling, panels open. But he knew Ace in this mood; she would be implacable, relentless, dogging him endlessly until he answered her question, vague though it was.

Vague in wording, but specific in nature; he knew exactly what she was asking, and worse, she knew that he knew. After all, it had only been a few weeks since she'd asked him basically the same question about Sarah Jane Smith.

He'd brought this all on himself, of course, by doing the worst possible thing he could have done: he'd answered her question truthfully and in detail (but not certain details, of course; he considered himself a gentleman).

Of course, there'd been no reason not to tell the truth, no reason except this one, that Ace wasn't one to let things lie. Obviously she'd concluded that if there was something to tell about one past companion, there must be something to tell about the others…at least, certain others. Personal information, and he'd practically invited her to invade his privacy by telling her what she wanted to know the first time.

"Dog with a bone," he muttered under his breath, but Ace, sharp-eared brat that she was, heard him and grinned.

"That's me," she agreed cheerfully. "So why don't you just skip the protests and feel free to unburden yourself." She seemed inordinately proud of having properly used that phrase.

"My relationship with Tegan was rather complicated, young lady," the Doctor said reluctantly. "Can't we just leave it at that?"

Ace stared at him. "Course not, 'specially after you put it that way. Spill!"

"Tegan left because things had become a bit much for her to bear," the Doctor protested, but weakly. He considered doing a bunko into the TARDIS interior for a few weeks, but knew Ace would track him down eventually. Besides, the console was half taken apart; he couldn't leave it in that state long enough for Ace to give up her quest for details of his personal life. "Look, Ace, I don't want you to get the impression that I was sleeping with all of my former companions..."

Ace's horrified expression stopped him there. "Ew, professor, I don't half expect that! Never took you for one who fancied boys! Don't worry, I don't have questions about Jamie or Adric or Turlough." A wicked glint shone in her eyes. "Unless I'm wrong?"

"No, you are not wrong!" The Doctor exclaimed indignantly. He tugged at his sweater in what might be taken for a nervous motion. "I do not 'fancy' boys, certainly not in the way you're implying. But you're showing a knack for picking out the companions I did sleep with!"

Ace's delighted laugh stopped him short, and he stared at her in chagrin. "So that's your strategy, is it?" he asked sourly. "Get my dander up so I forget to censor my tongue?" He wagged an admonitory finger at her. "That tactic won't work again, I can assure you of that!"

"That's OK, I think I've figured most of them out," was the cheeky response. "Romana's a definite, and Leela seems a likely candidate. Peri for sure," she added. "But I'm not a hundred percent certain about Mel. Nor Jo; she seems a bit youngish for the you you were then. And he definitely seemed a bit too much of a gentleman to allow such goings on."

"Really, Ace, this is too much!" the Doctor blustered, but she could see he was rattled by her analysis of his past relationships. A shot in the dark, most of them, but she was pleased by his reaction; some of them must be hits.

"Then we'll just take them one at a time," she said. "Don't worry, Professor, I'm not looking to add myself to the list; I don't think we're each other's types. You're more a black sheep uncle than would-be boyfriend, at least that's how I feel."

The Doctor sank weekly to his haunches, back supported by the TARDIS console as he stared up at her. "Really, young lady, sometimes I question your upbringing!"

"Which you are getting to be at least half-responsible for," she pointed out blithely. "Me mum gave up on it as a bad job years ago, and I'm still a teenager. So, spill! You and Tegan were lovers, and things went sour, just like with Sarah Jane."

"Not quite the same," the Doctor corrected her absently. His eyes had gotten that abstracted look she recognized from when he was focusing on his own past, and she sat cross-legged next to him on the Console Room floor. Waiting. The protests were over with, he was ready to talk, and she was more than ready to listen.

"It was after the Mara, when it took her over the first time and tried to use her to bring itself into existence," he began, his voice softening at the memory. "It shook her dreadfully; even Nyssa couldn't comfort her, help her get past it and get back to being her old self, and Adric didn't even seem to understand why it bothered her at all."

"But you noticed, right?" Ace asked, as eager as a child hearing a brand new bedtime story.

The Doctor nodded. "Oh yes, I noticed," he said sadly. "But she wasn't exactly asking me for help. It took Nyssa to do that. She asked me to do something, anything to get Tegan back to normal. That's when it all started..."


	2. Feeling Fragile

**oOo**

"Tegan?" The Doctor poked his head around the door. The young brunette was sitting on a chair, gazing into nothingness, just as Nyssa had described. He came fully into the room, allowing the door to close quietly behind him.

They were in one of the TARDIS' many libraries, a small one with only a few dozen shelves of books and a pair of ornate, vaguely Persian carpets covering the floor. Tegan was sitting near the fireplace. Over it hung an oil painting that gave an illusion of being a window onto a sunny landscape featuring a glimpse of distant woods on the far shore of a pristine lake. A lovely piece, by whom he couldn't remember. It was definitely something he'd picked up on Earth, and definitely something he'd chosen to dwell on instead of facing the problem he'd come to face. He returned his attention to the young woman in front of him.

She was wearing her air hostess uniform, and he had the impression it was acting as a security blanket. Her knees were huddled up to her chest, feet tucked beneath her and arms wrapped around her legs. Her head leaned against the back of the chair as if she'd been sleeping, but according to Nyssa sleep was the last thing Tegan was doing these days. She looked it, too, with great dark circles under her eyes and her hair just this side of untidy underneath the neatly pinned uniform cap. She wore it too short nowadays for that to be a real issue, but he could see it, now that he was looking for it. She was paler than usual, and there was a certain redness to her eyes that spoke of more than lost sleep. Crying, perhaps, but she hadn't allowed anyone to see her cry since her aunt's death, back when they hadn't known her half so well as they did now. Back when he'd literally been a different person...

"Tegan?" He knelt before her, balancing himself by holding lightly to the wings of the chair. Slowly she lowered her gaze from the middle distance to meet his own, blinking with surprise.

"Doctor? I didn't hear you come in," she muttered, shifting uncomfortably but making no move to vacate the chair. "Is something wrong?"

He shook his head, tried a reassuring smile. "No, nothing wrong. I just wanted to see how you were doing. Nyssa said you haven't been sleeping much since, well, you know," he finished awkwardly.

She attempted a smile, but it slipped back into sadness as if fleeing the warmth of the room. "Since the Mara, no, I haven't," she admitted. He felt an eyebrow arch, but couldn't help it; he hadn't expected her to answer him so honestly. Usually she was much more belligerent when it came to protecting what she perceived as her weaknesses.

That honesty prompted the Doctor to lay a comforting hand on her knee. "I know this isn't the best solution, but if you want something to help you sleep, just for a few days, so you can clear your mind a bit..."

She shook her head "no" before he even finished the offer, and his voice trailed off into silence as another sad smile crept over her lips. "Thank you, Doctor, but you're right. It's not the best solution."

He shifted uneasily, but left his hand where it was. "Then what can I do to help? Do you want me to take you somewhere, the Eye of Orion? Or home?" He caught his breath on that question, blurting it out without thinking, silently berating himself for his insensitivity. She was feeling fragile, and now she was bound to think the worst, that he wanted her to leave, when that was the last thing he wanted.

Tegan, however, was apparently feeling understanding today. The smile reappeared, this time lingering a bit longer, and one hand crept down to cover his. It was icy in spite of her proximity to the fire. "The Eye of Orion sounds lovely, but home can wait a bit longer. I just need some time, Doctor. Time for the nightmares to go away, time for the memories to fade a bit." Her voice sank to a half-whisper. "Time to remember that I do still exist."

Her fingers tightened on his, then pulled away, reluctantly, he thought, and he rose to his feet with equal reluctance. "If you're sure," he began, and she nodded firmly.

"Yes, I'm sure. But I promise, if it gets worse, I'll ask you for something to help me sleep. But only for a few days."

He nodded and headed for the door, glancing over his shoulder as he reached for the handle. She'd turned back to face the fire, her gaze going blank, but she was absently stroking her knee where he'd touched her, and there was a faint smile lingering on her face. Encouraged, he left the room, closing the door behind him.


	3. Sleep Aid

**oOo**

The knock was quiet, so quiet he almost didn't hear it, groggy with interrupted sleep as he was. Just as he decided he'd imagined it, it came again, a tap on the door that nearly faded into the usual TARDIS background noises. "Coming," he called, struggling to his feet, slipping on a dressing-gown over his pyjamas. He staggered for the first few steps, his stride steadying as he came more fully awake.

He opened the door to find Tegan just turning away. She looked back at the sound of the door opening, her expression struggling between apologetic and embarrassed. "Tegan? Are you all right?"

She ducked her head, embarrassment winning out for the moment. "I'm sorry I woke you, I'm fine, really, it's just..." Her voice trailed off and she clutched her own dressing-gown tighter around her as she finally allowed herself to meet his gaze. "I've rethought my position on sleeping draughts."

"Come in, I've just the thing," the Doctor replied, stepping aside gallantly to allow her past him. She looked nervous for some reason, and he realized with a start that she'd never been in his personal rooms before. Certainly not in the middle of the night. "It's a bit of a mess, you'll have to excuse me," he said lightly, trying to ease the sudden tension. "I wasn't expecting company."

That was the wrong thing to stay; he saw her shoulders stiffen, and she turned back for the door, pushing blindly past him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a bother, I'll be fine," she mumbled, but he caught her by the shoulder and pulled her gently to a stop.

"Don't mind me, I'm not at my best at the moment," he said to the back of her head. She stood docile in his hold but refused to look at him. "Tegan, please, it's no bother. I want to help."

She looked up at him suddenly, and his breath caught in his throat, stopping whatever he had been about to say in its tracks. Her eyes were desperately sad, her mouth tight with restrained emotions, and suddenly it was too much for him to bear. He ducked his head down, kissing her, pulling her closer, knowing it might be a mistake but suddenly convinced it wasn't. She was terrified at the thought of losing her self again, and he had to show her that it wasn't going to happen. He wouldn't allow it.

She was rigid in his hold for the first few seconds, then he felt her relax against him as she kissed him back, her mouth as full of desperation as her eyes had been, desperation given form and expression as she parted her lips beneath his and gasped with the sudden flush of desire. Her hands moved up his back as she pulled him into her embrace, pressing her body against his in a way that he knew she could feel the physical manifestation of his own desire, the sudden flare of warmth that ignited them both in a way neither had planned for or expected.

He swept her up into his arms without another word, kicking the door shut behind them as he carried her to his bed, still warm from his earlier occupation. He laid her gently on the sheets, then joined her, shrugging out of his dressing-gown, pulling his shirt over his head as she divested herself of her own clothing, tossing them carelessly to the floor where they joined his in an untidy pile.

His last coherent thought was that he'd made the right choice.

**oooOooo**

"Oi! Doctor! Don't leave me hanging there!" Ace's protesting tones brought the Doctor back to the present with a start. "She came for a sleeping draught and then what?"

The Doctor smiled reminiscently; he'd stopped speaking well before what Ace would consider the "juicy bits". "I helped her get a good night's sleep."

Ace gave him a sly smile. "Right. A bit of vigorous physical exercise can do the trick sometimes, eh?" The smile morphed into false innocence. "Or so I've heard."

He "harumphed" indignantly. "If you're asking if that was the beginning of our physical relationship, that would fall under the heading of 'none of your business'."

"Fine, I have an imagination, and you were kind of dishy as a blonde," Ace said breezily, ignoring his red-faced expression. "So that was the beginning; it went on for a bit, didn't it? More than just that one night. What changed about her that she decided to leave you? She never got Damsel-in-Distressy on you, did she?"

The Doctor shook his head. "No, unlike Sarah Jane, Tegan managed to keep her independence the entire time we knew each other. I'd made that mistake once, and was determined not to make it again. No, there were a lot of other factors that led to her ultimate decision to leave, including the fact that I essentially abandoned her in Heathrow after a spat."

"A spat." Ace's voice was disbelieving.

He nodded. "Yes, a spat." A spat over his handling of Adric's death, another item he did not intend to share with Ace. "She'd been going on about wanting to go home, so when we made it to Earth, exactly where she was supposed to be before getting caught up in my latest adventure, I left her there. Nyssa was a bit put out with me, but she wasn't gone for long. Just long enough to run into another old enemy of mine, Omega." She had a knack for that, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"I'm sure that sat well with her," Ace commented drily.

"Yes, she wasn't exactly happy about that, but she did make it clear that she intended to rejoin us. In fact, she rather acted as if nothing had happened, at least in front of Nyssa, but I knew was in for it once she had me in private."

He'd braced himself for that confrontation, knowing he bloody well deserved whatever she intended to dish out. He knew that he'd overreacted to her anger at Adric's death, obstinately taking her emotions at face value instead of recognizing the guilt and pain her anger really reflected. It wasn't just a spat, either; his own emotions had gotten in the way as well, his own guilt at how Adric had died and his inability to bear the thought of facing the same sort of situation with Tegan.

Pushing her away had seemed like the only way to keep her safe; if she'd stayed that way, safe on Earth, he would most likely have found some way to push Nyssa away as well, so it was just as well that Omega had popped up when and where he did. In light of these realizations, he was ready to face the music, but Tegan surprised them both by letting it go, at least as much as she ever let anything go. Instead of lashing out at him, she'd told him quite firmly that when it was time for her to leave the TARDIS it needed to be her decision, thank you very much, and then she'd hurtled herself into his arms for a most satisfactory kiss.

They'd never once spoken of the future, at least not in the personal sense. They both knew that their relationship could never last, but they were both determined to make the best of it for however long they did have. Especially after having been apart, no matter how short a time it had been.

Then the Mara struck again.


	4. Night Terrors

The Mara tried to take her over, tried to use her once again as a conduit into the waking world, this time rather more directly," the Doctor said. "We'd drifted apart for various reasons, including Adric's death and other shake-ups to the TARDIS crew."

"And her being taken over by the Mara brought you back together?" Ace decided to allow him to skip over the details in this case. As long as he kept talking, she was willing to make the occasional allowance.

"Indirectly," the Doctor agreed. "Funny how the Mara was instrumental in facilitating our personal relationship; I doubt she'd feel any gratitude toward it for that even when we weren't disagreeing with each other," he mused.

"So the Mara took her over, and then?" Ace prompted.

"She started having nightmares again..."

**oooOooo**

Tegan was screaming. The Doctor shot bolt upright in bed, eyes automatically turning toward the pillow next to his, but she wasn't there. Nor had she been, he remembered as he pulled himself to his feet, reaching automatically for his dressing gown. She hadn't come to him since their arrival on and subsequent departure from Manussa, the Mara's home world. The place where it had tried to use Tegan yet again as a vessel through which it could return to existence.

He could still hear her screaming, but now that he was fully awake he realized the screams were ringing through his mind rather than his ears. _Nightmares_, he thought with a shiver of sympathy as he strode for the door.

He blamed himself for underestimating the depth of the trauma that second assault on Tegan's essence, her self, had caused. They'd been heading for Earth and a place for her to rest when they'd ended up hip deep in a crisis that had taken his full attention for far too long. She'd come through it with her usual aplomb in spite of believing for a longish period of time that he was dying, but was completely shut off to him personally once they were back on board the TARDIS. And of course, adding a new member to the crew always threw off the interpersonal dynamics...especially since Tegan had made it quite clear that she neither trusted nor approved of Vislor Turlough, no matter how Nyssa tried to convince her to give the boy a chance.

Her anger at the Doctor, and his own hurt at her lack of faith in his judgement had conspired to keep them apart just when she needed him most. As he hurried along the corridor, the scream still echoing through his mind, he cursed himself for seven kinds of a fool.

"Doctor? Are you all right?"

Of course. Turlough. The lad did have an inconvenient knack for being precisely where the Doctor least expected--or wanted--him. Perhaps Tegan had a point...He banished the unkind thought from his mind. "Ah, Turlough. What are you doing up and about?"

The young redhead shrugged his narrow shoulders, hunching in that half-defensive manner he used when he thought he'd been caught doing something he ought'nt. "Couldn't sleep. You either? You were talking to yourself," he added. "Muttering, really. Bad dreams or something?"

"Or something," the Doctor agreed absently, his mind already half-gone from the conversation. "Go to the kitchen and fix yourself something warm to drink, that should do the trick." He started walking again; Turlough had to back up hastily to avoid being trod upon.

"What about you, Doctor?" he called after the Time Lord. Who ignored him, barely registering the boy's question over the continued screaming in his mind.

When he arrived at the room Tegan shared with Nyssa, he hesitated, unsure if he should knock or just go in. Nyssa knew that sometimes Tegan slept elsewhere, but he wasn't entirely sure if she knew where exactly her friend was during those nights. He and Tegan had never talked about their private relationship, and he assumed she wanted to be as discreet about it as he did. But the longer he hesitated, the louder the screams became, until he could no longer bear it. He pushed open the door, drawing a sigh of relief as he realized Nyssa wasn't there. _She must be working late in her_ _lab_, he concluded, then moved over to Tegan's bed and crouched next to it.

She was sleeping, just as he'd suspected, but a restless sleep. The screams in his mind were echoed by soft whimpers and moans as she tossed her head back and forth on the pillow and thrashed her legs and arms about. "Tegan," the Doctor murmured gently, grasping one flailing hand in his and holding it close to his hearts. "Tegan, can you hear me? You're having a nightmare."

With a gasp she came fully awake, half-rising from her bed and staring at him in confusion. "Doctor? What's wrong?"

"You were having a nightmare," he repeated patiently. "It woke me up."

She gaped at him. "Woke you up? Was I screaming or something? If it was loud enough to wake you up," she added with some of her usual pepper, "then it bloody well must have blasted Nyssa out of the room." She looked over at her friend's bed and registered surprise at her absence. "In the lab, is she? Then why hasn't she come running as well?"

"Because I doubt she heard you," the Doctor replied. She hadn't taken her hand back; a good sign. "You were only screaming in your mind."

Her stare was full of wonder and the tiniest thread of fear. "You heard me in your mind?" she whispered. "How?"

He shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure," he admitted with a smile. "But you're awake now; with any luck, you'll sleep easier the rest of the night." He started to rise, then stopped as her hand tightened on his.

"Don't go, not yet." Tegan glanced around the room, then pulled her hand away long enough to get to her feet and pull on her dressing-gown and a pair of slippers. "I'll come with you." Then, suddenly shy, she added: "If you don't mind."

He smiled. "Of course not. I've still got a kettle in my rooms. Some tea will do us both good."

Tegan's answering smile was tentative, but her grasp on his hand was strong. "Right. Tea it is, then." She allowed him to lead her out of the room, glancing automatically down the corridor and blushing as she realized what she was doing. "I feel like a teenager again, sneaking around behind my mum's back," she murmured.

The Doctor merely smiled, although he privately agreed with her assessment. As Tegan started down the main corridor, he tugged her toward a side hall. "Turlough's in the kitchen, having a sleepless night of his own," he explained. "Let's let him drink his cocoa in peace, shall we?"

At the mention of Turlough's name, Tegan had stiffened, but she relaxed again as she followed the Doctor down "the scenic route" to his rooms. Once there she'd curled up in what he had unconsciously started thinking of as "her" armchair while he fixed the tea.

They drank in companionable silence; when Tegan finished hers, she sighed contentedly and turned her gaze on the Doctor, regarding him out of thoughtful eyes. She stared at him so long he began to wonder if she wasn't falling asleep with her eyes open, but then she spoke. "I've missed you."

"I haven't gone anywhere," he pointed out lightly, then gave it up. She knew that he knew exactly what she was talking about. "I've missed you too," he admitted, holding out his arms questioningly.

She pulled herself out of her chair without hesitation, climbing into his embrace with a gentle kiss. He held her close, breathing in the scent of her and wishing he hadn't been so stubborn.

As if reading his thoughts, Tegan spoke: "I'm too damn stubborn, that's my problem. I was scared that I'd lost you, then I was mad at you about Turlough and I let it come between us because being mad is so much easier than being frightened. And then the Mara…" Her voice trailed off as he felt a shudder cross her frame. He tightened his hold as she whispered: "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry as well, for letting it go on this long," the Doctor replied softly. He kissed the top of her head; she looked up at him, and he kissed her on the lips as well, lingering over that one until she squirmed slightly in his embrace and grinned at his sudden discomfiture.

"I've missed this as well," she whispered, her grin turning wicked as she wiggled, quite deliberately, in a manner calculated to remind him that she was a woman and he was a man.


	5. The End

**oooOooo**

"Why do I get the feeling you keep stopping just when things are about to get more interesting?" Ace grumped, jumping to her feet and leaning against the TARDIS console.

"Because I am," the Doctor replied, climbing rather more slowly to his own feet, grimacing slightly as he stretched his back. "There's only so far I'm willing to go in my role as educator, young lady, I thought I'd already made that perfectly clear."

"You invited her to your room for tea and conversation, then leave my imagination to fill in the blanks," Ace continued to complain, but the mischievous glint had returned to her eye. "I've got a great imagination, Professor. You might be better off telling me exactly what happened so I don't make up things that would horrify you."

"Not a chance," the Doctor snapped, but there was a matching sparkle in his own eye. He was enjoying baiting her as much as she was him, Ace realized with a start. When had this turned into a game between them?

"All right, then," she said, playing along. "So how did it end? Why did she really leave? And none of that rubbish about no more fun that Turlough put in his journal," she added. "I want the real scoop."

"You read Turlough's journal?" the Doctor asked, diverted by this further evidence of Ace's excessive nosiness. "That's going a bit far, young lady."

"It was appended to Mel's files," Ace replied virtuously. Of course, she'd appended it herself after stumbling across the file by accident, but she wasn't about to tell the Doctor that. There hadn't been anything really juicy, just a lot of whining and this bit about how Tegan had run off after the Daleks had been stopped. Ace had never met Turlough, but she could understand Tegan's apparently frequent urges to slap him; his superior tone came through loud and clear when he wrote she "couldn't take it any more because she was too weak." Ace didn't buy that assessment for a minute.

The Doctor reluctantly let it go, although he still eyed her suspiciously. "Tegan left because I was becoming someone she didn't recognize, without even bothering to regenerate," he answered after a moment spent searching for the right words. "Someone she was afraid to share her life with afterwards. She'd told me when it was time to leave the TARDIS she'd go on her own terms, and I took her at her word."

"Did you ever bother going back to make sure she really meant it?"

"Oh, she meant it all right," the Doctor replied grimly. "The worst part was, I couldn't argue with her; I barely recognized myself at that point. Nyssa was gone, she still had absolutely no use for Turlough, so there was nothing tying her to the TARDIS except me, and her own passion for adventure. I managed to dim that passion as well as the one we had for each other, so she left. End of story." The sparkle was gone from his eyes, and he turned away.

Ace knew that was all he was going to say on the subject. As she had during his recitation of his relationship with Sarah Jane Smith, she felt a nagging guilt, but knew it wouldn't stop her from asking about other past loves. It was the endings that did it, she decided. Endings were always sad, even happy ever after, if only because the story was finished. And the Doctor never seemed to have a happy ever after.

No, she wouldn't let that stop her. She couldn't wait to hear about Romana; after all, she'd gotten more detail on Tegan than she had on Sarah Jane, which could only mean the Doctor really did want to confide in her.

As Ace strolled out of the TARDIS Console Room, the Doctor could have sworn she was whistling "Someday My Prince Will Come." He shuddered. That could not bode well for him.

_Author's Note: The first story in this series was originally intended as a stand alone, and in fact I wrote it about 10 years ago, when the 7th Doctor was quite a bit fresher in my mind. If there are differences in my writing style, that would be the reason: the passage of time. Please tell me what you think, if this series is worth continuing or if you feel it might be too repetitious after a while._


End file.
